


The heart wants what it wants.

by annabrellaxo



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: F/M, Love, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Niam - Freeform, Other, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, lilo, ziam, zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2738291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabrellaxo/pseuds/annabrellaxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry makes a mistake,<br/>He wants Louis back so badly, but Louis hasnt been feeling the same for awhile...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lights

Chapter 1: 

Harrys POV:

I rip open the curtains and a bright stream of light floods into our room, illuminating Lou’s sleeping face and making him groan and roll over onto his front, his body drowned in a sea of blankets, like a vampire trying to seek solace from the burning sun. But I know Louis is too tan to be a vampire, he is just lazy.  
“Nooo” Louis groans again, his voice muffled by the pillow his face is buried in.  
“You’re going to be late for school ya idiot!” Zayn yells at me from the kitchen.  
“Coming” I yell back and Louis pulls himself up and his feet dangle off the edge of the bed, his legs too small to reach the floor. He looks up at me with a sheepish grin and rubs his eyes. I watch him blindly reach out to me, making small grabbing motions, like he’s trying to pull me towards him but can’t quite reach. My heart jumps at how cute and innocent he looks and eventually I walk towards him and allow his hands to wrap around my waist, his ear next to my belly button. I slowly run my fingers through his rough bed hair and he purrs into my stomach, his breath on my bare stomach tickles and it makes me giggle. We stay like that for another few minutes but the clock flashing the red numbers reminds me that if i don’t leave soon, i’m going to be late for class.  
“I love you Lou, I’ll meet you back here after school” I give him a light kiss on the forehead and he releases his hands from around my waist. I rush over to my draws and pull on the nearest piece of clothing which is a grey crew neck jersey.  
“You too haz”  
I meet a panicked Zayn at the door, he really dislikes being late for class all the time because of Lou and I. I give him an apologetic look and he rolls his eyes. He knows Louis doesn’t have to go to work until 9 and will do anything for me to stay for a bit longer.  
We both get into Zayn’s car and as soon as he turns the key, the usual R&B music starts blasting in the speakers. We drive without talking, like usual. Zayn has never been a morning person, even back when we first met in freshman year of high school.  
We pull up to our usual car park next to Niall’s already parked car; he is sitting waiting for us.  
“Sleep in lad’s?” He jokes and pats me on the back as we walk over to the main building of the University. Zayn pulls out a cigarette, lights it and takes a long drag, then breaths the smoke out in a sigh.  
“I’ll see you guys at lunch yeah?” I say and they both nod as I walk in the opposite way of them both.  
I make it to my first class just as the last bell rings and my lecturer gives me the usual grimace. I return the usual charming, dimpled grin which always gets me out of being trouble and he motions for me to take a seat. I sit in the usual spot right next to my one of my best friends Nick.  
Nick Grimshaw and I have been good friends since the beginning of University. Having a very similar humour we got along great and had a very similar taste in woman which came in handy until Louis came into my life. Nick understood and accepted me when i told him i thought i might be Bisexual and even helped me get the courage to ask him to be my boyfriend, which i forever thanked him for. Louis and Nick are very close now also.  
The lecturer talks for what feels like hours and ends up letting us out of class early, which i’m thankful for. The rest of the day goes in a blur and I meet the boys at our usual spot for lunch.  
“Out for drinks tonight lad’s?” Niall suggests and we all grin in agreement, I love Friday nights because it’s always a night out with the boys.  
I suddenly deflate, remembering Louis picked up a early shift tomorrow at the record store and won't want to go out and drink. Zayn notices my sudden disappointment.  
“Ya alright haz?” He asks in his thick Bradford accent.  
“I don’t think I’ll go out tonight actually” I admit and the boys look confused.  
“-Lou has work early tomorrow so he won’t wanna-“ I look down,  
“Mate i’m sure he can last one night without you” Niall interrupts.  
Yeah but I don’t think I can last a night without him.  
“Yeah, i don’t know what i’m saying, it’ll be fine” I reply, trying to convince myself more than the boys.  
Niall gives me a pat on the back and they continue their previous conversation, my stomach still feeling heavy with nerves.  
The nerves are still there when i meet Zayn at his car after the end of afternoon classes. Zayn having known me for a long time, automatically notices.  
“Haz is this about the going out without Lou tonight?” He asks as we get into his car.  
I shrug and scratch at my finger nervously.  
“Its fine if you don’t want to go out, But we both know you’ll be fine without him, and he can invite Lottie over” Zayn convinces me and finally I nod in agreement.  
I’ll be fine.  
I send a quick text to Louis, asking him if he had a good day and telling that I miss him.  
He replies almost automatically saying he misses me too and he had a busy day and can’t wait to see me. I look down and grin at my phone, blushing.  
We get back to the apartment and I automatically make my way to my room and strip off my grey jersey in exchange for a black cotton shirt. I lay back on the bed, which Louis thankfully made before leaving for work this morning.  
I feel my eyelids get heavier and I close them and drift off, listening to Zayn singing along to music in his room, the sound almost completely muted from the walls in between us.  
“if I was your man, baby you’d, never worry bout’ what I do, id be coming home back to you, every night, doing you right”  
I’m asleep and I miss the sound of the door opening and Lou entering the room.  
“Haz” he shakes me lightly and it wakes me up from my light sleep.  
“Lou” I croak, rubbing at my eyes, he grins and his eyes crinkle in the way that I love so much.  
He sits on the bed next to me and strokes my cheek as I gain the energy to sit up.  
“So the boys want to go out for drinks tonight” I say and Louis’ eyebrows furrow.  
“I’ve got work tomorrow I can’t-“he says  
“I know, I know” I look up and him and it’s like he reads my mind.  
“You can go out without me, I’ll be fine!” he laughs off my nervousness.  
“Are you sure Lou, I can just stay in with you and we can have a nice night in and-“ I start rambling and he puts his finger up to my mouth to shush me.  
“It’s fine honestly! I’ll invite Lottie over” He assures me and the weight from my stomach is lifted.  
“I love you Louis” I grin and he scrunches his nose up at the use of his actual name, which honestly feels weird coming from my mouth as I always call him Lou.  
“I love you too yeah” He smiles and nuzzles his head into my neck. I lean into his embrace and I feel his breath behind my ear, giving me a fuzzy feeling that radiates through my body.  
I love him so much, more than i could ever imagine. I hope he knows that.


	2. You got me feeling numb

Chapter 2:

Night time arrives and as does Niall,  
“You boys ready for a good night?!” Niall is already pumped up after having pre drinks and taking a taxi here, we laugh at his enthusiasm.  
Zayn and Niall have a play fight while walking out the door, as I say goodbye to Lou.  
He wraps his hands around my waist and places his head on my chest, whispering incoherent things into my shirt. I rest my chin on the top of his head, his hair smells of vanilla and I absolutely love it.  
“Hey guys, hate to interrupt” I hear Lottie enter the room.  
I hear Louis sigh as he lifts his head off my chest and walks over to pull Lottie into a huge hug.  
“Hey sis” he grins and I suddenly feel awkward, like i’m a third wheel in their sibling hug.  
“Uh well i better be off now” I say and Louis releases Lottie from the tight hug, he grins at me and I grin back. Lottie makes her way to the kitchen to let Louis say a proper goodbye and I am thankful for that.  
“See you later yeah?” Lou’s eyes crinkle and I feel butterflies in my chest.  
“I Love you Lou” I give him one last kiss and leave the apartment quickly, racing down the hall to meet an antsy Zayn and Niall in the lobby.  
“We were about to come back and get you, lover boy” Zayn jokes and i give him a light punch on the arm.  
We all get into the waiting taxi outside and I feel the air around us buzzing with excitement. I haven’t been out drinking without Louis in around 2 years so there is a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I know will subside when we start drinking.  
We pull up to our favourite bar and the music’s so loud I feel like my ears are burning.  
We walk up to the bar and Niall orders a few shots for us and we sit at a table,  
“Cheers boys!” Niall yells over the music and we down our shots. I am met with the familiar burning sensation of the vodka in my throat, I don’t fight it, I welcome it. Releasing a calming warmth throughout my body. It feels good, normal even, and soon after the forth shot my nerves disappear.  
I suddenly feel Zayn tugging on my arm, trying to pull me towards the dance floor. I shake my head which causes me to feel dizzy, but i know Zayn doesn’t take no for an answer so I follow him anyway.  
A beer in one hand I begin to move my body with the music.  
A girl about my age spots me and begins to slowly make her way towards me, basically fucking me with her eyes. I try not to snort out loud at her choice of outfit; fishnet stockings don’t look good on anyone sunshine.  
She starts to grind up against me as I dance. I cringe but she’s not looking at me for long enough to notice, she’s too busy rubbing her ass up against my crotch.  
I send visibly annoyed signals to Zayn and he spots me and throws his head back in laughter, he also has a girl rubbing up against him. He shrugs his shoulders as if to say he’s too busy to help me right now.  
I think the alcohol in my system decides this isn’t a bad idea to dance with this stranger and I start to follow her movements; she is visibly happy with my decision and grinds harder against my jeans.  
It feels so wrong having this girl basically dry humping me, but the booze running through my system doesn’t seem to care and it clouds my mind. Now i know why people say “you booze you lose”  
Just as I start to let go and enjoy myself, the girl turns around and wraps her arms around my neck, her lips crushing into mine.  
I feel a tug on the back of my shirt.  
At first i don’t take notice, the nameless girl continues trying to push her tongue down my throat and I still let her, despite how disgusting it feels.  
The tugging the second time is harder and I turn around, annoyed.  
“Hey what the f..“ I turn around and see those familiar blue eyes staring back.  
Louis.  
He glares at me and I choke on the breath that I was apparently holding.  
What the fuck is Louis doing here, he’s suppose to be at home with Lottie.  
A lump of guilt forms in my stomach and he rolls his eyes at me for standing there clueless.  
He turns his back to me to walk away and I pull on his shirt,  
He violently jerks his arm away and carries on walking without looking back.  
My eyes feel the familiar sting of tears and my legs feel like jelly. Confusion and guilt run through every part of my body and I feel breathless.  
What the fuck am I doing?  
I watch him make his way to the front door and my mind is screaming at me to not follow him, to let him leave and for him to never come back because i don’t deserve him.  
My body decides otherwise and I feel the sweaty bodies against mine as I push through the crowded bar, following the sight of Louis’ hair, trying my best not to collapse under the weight of guilt holding me down.  
I make it outside and a gust of cold wind hits me, making me shiver and pull my coat closer over my body, simultaneously trying to hold myself together. Louis is nowhere in sight.  
“Louuis!” I call out to the empty street. My words being muffled by the wind.  
My legs threaten to collapse against me and i yell out his name once more.  
No one’s here. I’m alone.  
He’s gone.

 

The sadness,  
It doesn’t just sit in the pit of my stomach like it used to, the pain when Louis would forget to say I love you after ending a phone call, and I would question everything until he put his hands around my waist, while whispering i love you over and over into my chest, just loud enough that only i could hear.  
It’s been a week.  
The first couple days I was numb. I didn’t cry.  
I lay in my bed, in OUR bed, curled up with his sweater.  
I squeezed my eyes shut, seeking his scent, trying to stop my heart from breaking.  
He really left me.  
Two years.  
I haven’t slept alone for two years.  
Though of course I didn’t sleep, i couldn’t. No amount of cuddling with his sweater could make up for his arms not being around me, his breath on my neck, his ankles wrapped around mine.  
Sometimes my mind would race so fast I felt like i was going to burst, like my heart was being ripped out of my chest in a series of violent gags over the toilet bowl.  
Nothing ever came out, I just sat on the cold, tiled ground, crying until I couldn’t breath and Zayn would burst in the door and hold me until my crying subsided and I was numb again.  
This was just my way of punishing myself. I caused this. I deserve this pain


	3. Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is in Louis' perspective holla

Louis.

Lottie had only been here for a total of 5 minutes before she had to call mum to come pick her up because she was feeling poorly.  
“Are you sure you’ll be alright babe?” She asks me as she pulls her coat back over her shoulders and begins doing up the buttons.  
“I’ll be fine” I assure her, though the slight shake in my voice gives it away that I obviously wasn't happy with this plan. To be quite honest I hate being alone, it means I have time to think about things that I usually push to the back of my mind.

She soon leaves and I’m left to pace around the house aimlessly.  
I hear the faint buzz of my phone on the table top,

Grimshaw:  
Hey lou, heard harry was out drinking tonight, need some company? (:

I ponder the thought for a moment before replying,

Louis:  
Yeah, come over if you want.

Nick only lives two floors above our apartment so I know he will be here in about two minutes, I put the kettle on and stand leaning against the countertop.  
A framed picture of myself and harry stands proudly on the opposite counter and I feel a pang of sadness in my chest. I push back the feeling and there’s a knock at the door,  
“hey hunny im homeee” Nick yells as he barges in the door, keys jingling against the beers in his hand.  
“Why do you knock if you’re just going to come in anyway” I remark, grabbing a bottle opener from the top draw.  
“What’s yours is mine baby” He smirks and hands me a beer.  
We end up out on the swinging chair on the deck, the night sky illuminating nick’s features in the most flattering way possible.  
I shouldn’t be thinking about Nick in this way, but I can’t say that this isn’t the first time.  
We both knock back our first beers in silence.  
“I know you’re not happy with him” Nick announces.  
My heart drops and I can feel bile rise in my throat.  
“What?” I stammer which automatically reveals my nervousness.  
“I know you’re not happy with Harry” Nick repeats,  
Hearing him say Harry’s name makes me loose it and I bury myself in nick’s chest, painful sobs wreck my body and he holds me and whispers incoherent things in my ear.  
“I love him” I sob louder and nick stands me up and we walk back inside.  
“Im just not in love with him” I whisper quite to myself as nick sets up a space for us on the couch and I sit and snuggle back into him.  
We lay like that on the couch in silence for awhile, just the sound of my sniffling and Nicks chest rising and falling.  
This isn’t the first time we have cuddled like this, but usually it’s on much happier terms.  
I don’t tell Harry about our cuddles. Neither does nick. I don’t know why, it just seems easier that way.  
I lift my face up to look at Nick, I must look like a total wreck, eyes red and puffy from crying.  
I think I hear nick whisper ‘beautiful’ under his breath but I can’t be sure.  
He looks down at my lips and then back up to my eyes, a small smile appears on his lips.  
I know what he’s going to do, even before he does it.  
He reaches up and cups his hand around my face, he is now close enough to me that I can feel his peppermint breath on my mouth, he pauses just before his lips touch mine as if to ask if it’s okay.  
I close the gap between our mouths and our lips touch, following each other’s movements.  
It doesn’t feel right, his lips are too chapped and too thick to be comfortable like Harry's.  
I pull back suddenly, Nick looks at me with concern.  
“I cant-I cant do this” I get up and run to the door, grabbing my coat and keys from the table.  
I hear Nick muttering obscenities from behind the door but I block it out of my mind,  
He will forgive me one day, right now harry is my only concern.  
I take the stairs two at a time, feeling adrenalin rushing through my body, though I don’t know what im rushing for. 

I make it to the club in record time, luckily there was a uber outside the apartment so I didn’t have to wait for one.  
I make my way through the sweaty body’s in the club, I spot zayn on the dancefloor with some girl dry humping him, harry across from him.  
I begin to walk towards harry’s curly hair and I see arms snake around his neck.  
my stomach drops.  
I reach him and pull on his shirt to get his attention. The random fish net stocking girl is still attached to his lips and I feel emotions rise and my cheeks heat up in rage. I pull on his shirt again, much harder this time and he turns around.  
“hey what the f-“ he stops mid-sentence as we make eye contact.  
My heart breaks at the sight of him visibly crumbling before me,  
He stands there, with nothing to say, clueless.  
I turn my back to him and fix my eyes on the door, I feel a hand wrap around my coat and try to hold me back, I jerk my arm violently away and push through the bodies in the crowd.  
Will he follow me? Beg me for forgiveness?  
I know I shouldn’t be as mad as I am, because just 10 minutes ago I was doing exactly the same thing with Nick.  
I hop quickly in the Uber outside and give him the address of my apartment complex.  
I know harry is going to go home to try find me. And I can’t go to nick’s either.  
I quickly inform the driver of the change of plans and he nods.

Half an hour later I arrive at the bar ‘Funky Buddha’ and pay the driver.  
I remember back when I first started going out drinking I would go here almost every night,  
Since harry came into my life I hardly drank, I didn’t need anything but him.  
It’s different now.

I sit on a stool at the bar and try to get the attention of the barman.  
“hey” I call out and he turns around.  
Wow, he’s fit.  
His short quiffed brown hair and brown eyes complimented his muscled body, which with the white singlet he was wearing, made him look like a legitimate body builder.  
“What can I get you mate?” He asks, grinning from ear to ear, despite being broken, his smile was contagious so I returned a smirk in his direction.  
“surprise me” I wink and he laughs.  
He begins by pulling a glass out and filling it with ice, I watch him, concentrating on the small details he puts into his work. It was a nice distraction for the few seconds it lasted before his voice broke me out of my trance.  
“sorry what was that?” I shake my head slightly and he chuckles.  
“I said, what’s your name?” he repeated.  
“Louis, yours?” I question. He grins again  
“Liam”

**Author's Note:**

> Im not sure if anyone wants to read more, so comment if you do (: (this chapter is pretty boring so idk, good things come!!!)


End file.
